Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 Wrapping

Assalamualaikum

woah guys
is this the 365th days of the year 2014
is its the last day of 2014
is that mean this is the last post of 2014
woah
how time flies i really dont even know how its gone passed
i taught it just in January but its actually already December 2014
honestly speak i really forget all the dates and day that flies passed by me
and now only relies when it its already at its end

i am not sure what had happen in these day
what had happen that improve me
what had been done
what had been contribute
what had make me worst
what make me better
i just dont know

its just too fast
so many things happen non stop
all the big event of my life
2014
its restless year

i dont know what to imagine for the following welcoming new year
what is the challenge.
by the way. when we get older
things around us will make us maturer too
the things that happen,
the challenge, it wont be the same as before
its always been improved, harder and tougher
  
lets do some 2014 wraps up..

its happen as fast as lightning
i've been busy about my study, my life, my love, my family, my health
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December

12 months that have been gone without my awareness teach me a lot of lesson unintentionally
at the end
i am still a student have no money no work 
have a little constrain on health since have a little bit sick
being sick for 4 month out of 12 month is no joke
teach me, even how busy u are please no matter what take care of your health 
love ur body love urself better than anything else
because as it happen it cut of some enjoyment
n might need some more attention and care 
as said prevention is better than cure

some more when i am sick
its true we will know who is actually who
when we are in trouble n needed help
there we will know the true color of the people around us

i taught i have loosing him since he have someone else but he actually never leave me alone
i taught he will not care of me anymore since he never ask about me after than event
i taught i am actually alone that i really have no one around me to support me
when i am sick [at the end of this year] then i know i actually not alone

2014 is actually a very lonely year for me from the start till the end
its a painful year, in the inside and out.

people i love, the people, they
some peoples leave me
some peoples get married
some peoples getting busier
some peoples become more individual
some people have their own life
more people have to work for their own responsibility
and i am not in their responsibility list anymore 

what i think is that i am losing a lot of people around me this year
i am totally a loner
whole year goes just like that
i dont make new friend
i just lingering with my self
keep doing the same thing alone
i am not enjoying my life
i just follow the flow
do my part as a muslim, human, student, family, friend
but i still feel alone lonely
only Allah is by my side
only Him

i taught it is like that till its December this year when i get sick 
n when my family know my sickness
yup my friend does not really concern even they know but my family indeed
family, they never leave me alone. never once, when i am in need they are there
 maybe in the past, its only me who does not realize it
these people care for me from far
even they dont ask, they actually care
i am so thankful for that

now on, i will never think that i am alone
when i am alone, it just to teach me to be more independent



 
    "Keep Learning ~~ Keep Smiling ~~ Keep Sharing~~Keep In Touch"

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Ubat Merawat Luka

Assalamualaikum
dalam entry yang lepas aku tanye korg pasal 
ubat supplement ape yang bagos untuk rawat luka luar yang dalam kan 
so stakat ni 
ni la ubat2 y aku try n tau 
untuk mempercepatkan penyembuhan luka luar yang dalam

baru beli and makan start dua hari y lepas



Pati Ikan Haruan ni sgt la xsedap n xboleh ditelan..
cemane ni? org cakap bagos nk sembuh kan luka tapi aku xboleh nak telan
bagi idea sikit cemane nk makan tanpa ragu...


buat mase skung aku cuba minum pati ikan haruan cepat2 then 
makan buah oren ni 2 bijik
pure vitamin c untk mencantikan kulit luka tu
tapi still rase dia haisshhh
tapi adalah lebih baik dari telan ubat tu cmtu jek.. 
mmg xleh trime

name pun ubat kan..

pastu ade amik jugak vitamin c tambahan
Solcoseryl Jelly tu sapu pada luka

sume tu beli dekat guardian
Pati Ikan Haruan - RM30.51
Blackmores vitamin c - RM31.92
Solcoseryl Jelly - RM22.90

nanti 2 3 hari lagi insyaAllah
kita tgk la bekesan ke x ubat2 ni
usaha tu penting kan..

aku nak cepat sembuh 
so please sesape aje
doa kan aku jgk
n
please!!

p/s - sesape kat sni tau cemane nk mempercepatkan penyembuhan luka luar y dalam ni
ade ubat ke?
ubat mkn?
ubat sapu?
pantang makan?

ce share sikit...


Sambungan CIte


    "Keep Learning ~~ Keep Smiling ~~ Keep Sharing~~Keep In Touch"

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Finally Warded - part 6 [Daily Dressing Tempat Baru]

back then


so this is my week 15 of me being sick
week 4 after my operation
week 3rd for be being doing the daily dressing
also my week 16 for my study which is my study week

by the way..
since i was not in my comfort zone any more
a way from that
aku perasan satu menda..

lain tempat lain cara dressing dia 
even dokte dah tulis procedure dressing 
still cik misi akan buat ikot cara dorang yang tersendiri
macam aku pernah gtau sblm ni ade y menyakitkan, ade y xmenyakitkan, ade y cuci btol2, ade y cuci ala kadar jek, ade y kejap jek cuci, ade y ambik mse lme sgt..
tu kje dorg kje cik misi.. mcm2 gaya boleh tgk..

if there is anything happen dorg tanggung sndri..
its almost been 3 weeks already equal to 20 to 21 times of dressing pain luka 
still long way to go hopefully should not be that long

even one more thing every time cik misi bukak luka mesti gtau wow dalam nya luka
might be takes times to heals..
hmmm.. please say something more generating adrenaline rush.. 



hopefully not lah.. everything gonna be fine..

pape pong i am really hoping for the speeding recovery..



there must be a lesson to be learnt..
please take note..
muhasabah diri

so 

once again
sekarang ni
fokos pada diri sendiri.. fokos pada study..
jom study.. 
skung study lebih penting dari segala-gala hal y lain.. 
titik..


p/s - sesape kat sni tau cemane nk mempercepatkan penyembuhan luka luar y dalam ni
ade ubat ke?
ubat mkn?
ubat sapu?
pantang makan?

ce share sikit...


Sambungan CIte
    "Keep Learning ~~ Keep Smiling ~~ Keep Sharing~~Keep In Touch"

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Finally Warded - part 5 [Moving]


so this is my week 15 of me being sick
week 4 after my operation
week 3rd for be being doing the daily dressing
also my week 16 for my study which is my study week
see how fast the time fly

Lets fly.. Lets fly..

so now i have to fly to where i belong too
no longer in my hometown
i have to fly n survive on my own
no one around me to take care of me anymore

there is no one will wake me up and ask me to take medicine
there is no one will make my special breakfast, lunch and dinner
there is no one will take care of my food which is 
[sediakan makanan org pantang supaya luka cepat sembuh xbole makan ikot suka hati jek]
there is no one will help me wash my hair
there is no one will take me to the clinic everyday for dressing
i miss home
i miss mom
i hate being alone n face this all alone
i love mom.. my mom really do the best care for me and nothing compares..

no one will do that 
take care of me n do really concern about me n my health n my study as well
most of them dont want me because i am troublesome
because i needed help and its trouble something
even its only temporary but well, its still will trouble them
maybe its better to avoid me
since i am troublesome n useless
avoid me
dont ask about me
dont talk to me
stop seeing me

its totally cool guys
i do appreciate ur concentration n attention
indeed.. just stop worrying about me
stay cool n stay happy as u are in ur own matter/life/business
yup, i wont want to trouble u as well

its so fake if u force ur self to care while u're not
dont hurt ur self kayh peeps..
i'll try not take it seriously into heart..
indeed.. mind my own business isnt it..
its my time to be on my own.. right..
i understand
its my time
its my life anyway
my concern

adakah sye seorg y terlampau di manjakan
or i actually deserve it
hmmm.. pity me or so me is so mengada2

fine...

what am i expecting..??
kadang2
aku nak org phm aku. 
tapi aku sndri pn xpaham dri sndri.. 
sakitnya aku sndri yang tanggung... 
aku rasa aku dh terslh step

stop hoping

even if it is still be my constrain 
even if its still hard for me to do it on my own 
i still have to do it on my own
just do it urself. no one care..

i should have be stronger
it not just now i am alone its been when its start since 2 month ago
i am already alone face all this
only to Allah i am depending on..

i have my own wings.. lets fly.. lets fly..
i have my own legs... lets walk.. lets run..
even how slow it is, a progress is still a progress
i am still keep moving a step forward n ahead to success/happiness
 never stop even how painful it is
keep fighting.. keep being strong
keep that momentum..


its only temporary...
fight for my recovery
fight for my two presentations
fight for my final paper[final exam]

pray for me too
healthy n sucess

its all is just in this 1 week
se-nafas jek lagik

i am capable of anything with Allah always in my heart
my strength my everything
just keep in mind kay fifie..
Allah is in ur heart..
heals everything

orang cakap prevention is better than cure
recovery do takes time
but what have the started must have the ending
i really hope this is the way to the happy ending for my sickness
good ending for my study too...
its my own journey n my own happiness anyway
its my life

keep moving forward


u wont let me down
i am strong..
Allah have set everything for me.. for my own good
i am stronger each day..

sekarang ni
fokos pada diri sendiri.. fokos pada study..
jom study.. 
skung study lebih penting dari segala-gala hal y lain.. 
titik..

Sambungan CIte

    "Keep Learning ~~ Keep Smiling ~~ Keep Sharing~~Keep In Touch"

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Finally Warded - part 4 [Daily Dressing]


Daily Dressing
Week 13

mak cik tu pun tahan jek En.misi laki y cuci dia.. haish. kesian.

suasana klinik mase menunggu turn. aku harus la cik misi y cuci.

Daily Dressing

hari-hari cuci luka. hari-hari kne gi klinik. hari-hari ne tggu turn
tapi ada hari jumpa nurse y sopan santun, lemah lembut, xkasar, xsakit xnangis.
ada juga hari y jumpa nurse y kasar, sakit, nangis x tahan nk menahan kesakitan lg..
hmm xtahu smpai bila...

tapi next week isnin[15/12] nk jmpe dokte first meeting afte operate
xtau la
next week minggu akhir belajar sblm study week tapi aku still kat kampung
 risau nye..
homework xsiap lg
study xstudy lagi
presentation x ready lagi..
exam.. uwawawa..

sabar dan tabah lah wahai hati..
masa mmg sgt mencemburui aku..
kesihatan kadang2 xbegitu memberangsangkan

so kawan2 hargai lah masa sihat anda tau...




 
    "Keep Learning ~~ Keep Smiling ~~ Keep Sharing~~Keep In Touch"

Friday, December 12, 2014

Finally Warded - part 3 [Operation Room & Warded]




Week 11

-          29/11/14
-          11.00pm

Dorg cite pasal mcm mne bius satu badan n nk soh aku get ready n mind set kowt. Dia takut aku terkejut n xnk bangun jek. Hui pastu masuk operation room. Satu tempat y aku xbole nk bayangkan n xsangka akan lalui sume tu sendiri sblm ni just tgk cite tv n dgr org cite jek. Skung aku kat dewan bedah. Atas kepala aku Nampak lampu y banyak2 tu. Sejuk menusuk tulang rusuk, mengigil, takut hanya tuhan yang tahu, dr faiz kowt nama dr y bius aku tu suh aku tarik nafas n hembus kuat2 dalam alat bantuan penafsan tu.. pastu 2 3 kali hembus dah aku pn dah xde dlm operation room tu.... xtau ape y berlaku.. ape dorg buat dekat aku sume aku xsedar, xtau n xrase..
Week 12

-          30/11/14
-          1.30am


Kluar operation room. aku x berape jelas ape ntah dorg membebel.. tapi y aku pasti dorg tgh berusaha nk kejutkan aku, takut2 aku dah xde untk selama2nya... subhanaAllah.. 

"Wake up! Wake up! Fie Wake Up" mata aku xleh bukak lagi..
"Wake up!" dlm bnyk2 y dorg cakap aku ingat y ni.. 
"Awak xde sesape ke y tunggu awak kat luar?""wake up!" 
terus aku tersedar. sentap. terkejut. meronta2. nangis. bingung. pastu terfikir btol ke xde sesape tuggu aku kat luar. aku sorg2 harung sume ni ke. mesti xde org skung sbb dah lewat. makkk.. abg.. ayah.. terus sebak.. nangis.. nangis.. nangis..

"kenapa nangis ni"
"what happen to u?" "Did u know what happen to u?" "Did u know what they had done to u?" "Do u see n feel everything that happen in the operation room?" "Awak paham n tau kan tata cara n atur cara operation malam ni kan.. dorg dah explain kat awak kan?" "kenape awak nangis" "dah jgn nangis lagi"

aku nangis lagi.. terfikir psl aku y sorg2 ni haa.. n sisa sisa ketakutan mase first masuk operation room tu masih segar terpahat dibenak fikiran ni haa.. scaryyyyyy!!!! T___T 

dorg keep tnye.. satu pn x berjawab.. aku dengar dorg duk cakap2 dikalangan dorg.. rmai gak mase tu Dr Faiz ade skali.. kih3x.. malu jek buat perangai mcm kanak2.. dot dot dot. y pasti dorg ade cakap psl "Btol ke xde org y tunggu adik ni kat luar. aku tgk rmai jek kat luar operation room tu"

bila aku dengar tu aku tenang sikit.. pastu bru dorg buang alat bantuan penafasan aku tu.. baru aku rase sengal2 badan.. tengkak sakit y amat.. dorg bawak keluar aku dri sne.. aku nampak makkkk aku... mak ade lagi, dia tunggu aku.. xtinggal kan aku sorg2.. abg2 aku dorg ade kat sne dri mula aku masuk 11.00pm skung 1.30am.. T__T

smpai dekat bed aku pn aku still mcm trauma.. nangis teresak2..ntah ape y aku fikir.. takut, celaru.. lame mak, abg2 aku n akk ipar aku tgk jek aku xtau nk buat apa.. dorg tnye aku kenape.. kenape.. semua risau... aku pun risau tgk org risau.. aku nangis jek.. pastu aku dengar abg aku cakap Fie sabar selawat bnyk2 istigfar.. Allah.. aku selawat aku istigfar aku jadi tenang.. semua menarik nafas lega sikit. abg aku y 3rd n akk ipar aku balik lepas tu.. tinggal mak n abg 2nd aku.. dorg jaga aku mlm tu.. kesian mak, dia pun xsihat.. tapi aku xboleh klu xde mak mase tu... T_T sorry mak sbb penting kan diri.. mak xlarat dia tido jek sebelah bed aku.. abg y jaga aku mlm tu.. dia tenang kan aku n urut2 kaki aku smpai aku tertido. 

Then, Every 4 hour Dr datang melawat n tgk aku. n aku masih berpusa dah lebih 24 jam masih xbole nk mkn, mkn jek muntah smpai ptg bru bole mkn sikit. Makanan hospital bole tgk jek penjaga y makan, pesakit tgk jek.. huihui.. katenye sedap makanan kat hospital.. xmerase laa iolls.. dapat tgk jek.. 

tgk bekas makanan y best dari hospital atas meja tu.. mampu tgk jek.. huihui..
Hari2 dalam ward adalah hari yang sgt2 panjang. Petang tu rase gelisah xbole nk duduk dah. Xrase pape rase nk jerit nk kua subhanaAllah tuhan jek tahu. Cuba gagah kan  diri bangun n pi toilet untk basah kan badan ni n berwuduk untk tenang kan hati dan perasaan. Susah gak nak gerak sbb dua2 belah tangan dorg letak jarum tu.. pink mase amik darah ptg tu, kuning mase dalam operation room. 
jarum kiri dan kanan.. mcm ape jek.. y kuning tu jarum dia besar gila skung pun still rase sakit berparut tangan kiri i u olls.. abaikan jari jemari tembam itu..

Dia operate armpit kanan so tangan kanan sgt susah nk gerak. Sakit sikit. kiri pun sakit sbb masuk ubat.. ubat dia masuk dalam urat tu rase ngilu jek.. xcaya tgk.. lagi bam bam jari iools.. bengkak..


jari jemari i tambah bam bam.. bengkak sakit ngilu.. mintak org tolong urut n letak tuala basah xtahan sgt.. sakit mcm nk demam..
Ptg tu rmai sedara dtg jenguk. Then Dr jenguk n Dr soh duk dlm ward lg.. esk bru bole kua hospital klu da xde pape. Sabar jek la klu duk dlm hospital scary tau sakit operate lagi sakit masuk ubat dalam badan lagi sakit asyik amik darah lagi tu pun aku duk xlme kan. Tangan aku pun dah bengkak.. y xdemam rase mcm nk demam sbb tu jek.. subhanaAllah.


-          1/12/14
Every 6 hour nurse datang masukkan ubat. sakitttt... sampai pagi tu pkol 5am cmtu mmg dah xtahan soh dokte tukar position jarum sakit y amat.. Dr tukar letak kat tepi sakit juga n ubat tu xnk masuk pn dalam urat saraf ni haa.. bengkak lagi tangan aku ni.. finally dorg buang semua jarum.. hmm ringan sikit rase.. xlme tu Yeah Dr pakar datang n cakap dah bole kua hospital sbb sye xdemam, sihat n xde masalah serius y lain.. HOORAY..

 Happy.. Happy.. Happy.. Home sweet home.. rase mcm dh lme sgt jek kat spital ni.. haish.. dri pagi tggu nk kua tapi ptg gak bru selesai sume menda report dan segala-galanya. bole cuci mata tgk dr hensem kejap.. dalam bilik ward tu ade 6 org, aku paling muda.. hahaha... ape maksudnya tu.. ada chance.. ahahha.. xpadan nga sakit tu... btw... 


itu dokte y jaga aku.. comel tau dia.. tapi xsempat amik gamba muka.. belakang pn jadi la.. kuikui.. sakit2 pn sempat snap2.. n mempelam/magga ku kawan satu ward y bagi.. baik kan dorg sume peramah walaupun sakit... kat dalam ward tu mostly ada sakit breast cancer or nearly to that point la or mcm aku jgk... tapi masih ceria n menceriakan...
Dekat ward mase mkn n ade kawan2 kat sne tu best wlpn kitaorg berbeza usia.. tapi xbest bab ubat n dressing tu uwawawa.. tuhan jek y tau... lagi.. aku ni jenis y bernasib baik jgk laa sbb family aku supportive siang malam teman kan aku kat ward.. sesaat pun aku xdi tinggal kan sorg2 tau.. beruntung x aku... sobs.. thanks sgt semua..

kawan2 kat mne? kawan2 sume aku xkasi tau awl2 last2 mase kua spital bru aku up gamba tangan kat fb... ade y concern ade y buat xtau jek.. well that is how we friend kan ape nk kate.. jangan berharap pada y xsudi.. mase kita susah kita akan tahu y mane permata yang mana kaca. instead bff pn da xmcm bff.. xdek y risau smpai call aku tnye khabar n biasa dorg just sekadar komen dekat gamba fb thats it n jauh sekali la nk dtg jenguk aku.. kelakar x..?? even kawan y dok msg kat watapp, fb, wechat hari2 pn xde sorg pn tnye aku.. cmne dah skung... hmmm... btw... apa y aku harapkan sebenarnya... hmmm... moral support y berterusan.. over x aku.. aduii.. maaf semua... maybe aku pun bukan lah kawan y baik untk org2 lain concern psl aku mcm y aku harapkan.. ^_____^ xpe.. Allah kan ada.. Allah bg family y x putus2 support aku.. lup u.... T___T Alhamdulillah

kawan2.. aku harap sgt aku xkan menyusah kan korg lagi... insyaAllah.. aku hanya akan cari korg bila aku senang jek.. ok.. dont worry.. sementara aku tgh xberape snng ni aku diam dlu k xnk susah kan korg... win win situation. aku bahagia bila ko bahagia, aku sedih bila aku sedih.. senang bersama2 susah sendiri2.. ^____^ karma.. bukan semua ye.. please take note n jgn nk tacim2.. kui3x... emosi xstabil btol.

YEAH.. HOORAY Aku bole kua hospital tapi hari2 ne g klinik untk dressing.. Y__Y

Special entry untk dressing.. wait k...


 
    "Keep Learning ~~ Keep Smiling ~~ Keep Sharing~~Keep In Touch"

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Finally Warded - part 2 [When Its Starts]

sambungan cite 



comel kan bear2 tu.. y ni dia letak mase amik darah tangan belah kanan..

Week 1
Sakit urat
Demam [on/off]
Perasan ada lump under armpit
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4 [Eid al adha]

Masih sakit mcm week 1,2,3
Pi klinik[1st] check Dr bg antibiotic
Habiskan antibiotic minggu ni
Pi urut badan n tangan y sakit
Week 5
Lump no changes in size, colour n texture
-          Size – Smaller than ping pong size
-          Colour – skin colour
-          Texture – hardening
Sakit still [on/off]
Week 6 [Mid Term Break]
Pi Klinik[2nd] check Dr cakap since no changes on the sickness n lump..  might be the antibiotic does not work on u n that sickness. so she have to refer me to the Hospital for further check up. She set a date on 25 January 2015 at HUSM. She said suspecting me having breasts cancer or cyst or just ketumbuhan biasa or any that i don’t even know. Wait until that time she said or direct go to the emergency.
Week 7
Since Dr just give me Panadol
My sister insist me taking these supplement as prevention is better than cure. Said they have some effectiveness in preventing cancer and give me more healthy and have strength.  

ni antra ubat2 y aku telan mase tu

Week 8
Keep taking those supplement
Lump changes in size
-          Size – bigger
Week 9
Keep taking those supplement
Lump changes in size, colour and texture
-          Size – Smaller [ping pong size]
-          Colour – reddish
-          Texture – Crinkles n Soften n Watery
-          Move to front side of armpit
Rase makin sakit mase ni.
Week 10
Week 11
-          29/11/14
-          9.00am













-          2.30pm
-          4.00pm

-          7.00pm

-          10.00pm

-          10.30pm





-          11.00pm



End of this week Pi klinik[3rd] sbb lump have been ruptured..
Lump dah pecah keluar air bisa banyak dan sakit sikit
Dr suruh pi Emergency terus n buat operation dekat hospital since its big n have been ruptured. Since hospital ada operation room y lebih conducive, safe without bacteria and ada Dr pakar untk operate sakit ni highly recommended. Actually mase ni aku sndri xpasti nk buat terus or x. Sbb duk fikir projek, assigmnet belambak2 nk anta due date lagi n xlme da nk exam sbb sedia maklum la bila da operate ni cmne kan.. takut, confius sume ade mase tu. Dr cakap klu xbuat skung bacteria ni boleh merebak masuk dalam darah, hati, jantung n akan jadi lebih merbahaya klu nk tggu tggu n tggu. Xbole tggu dah.. scary dowh time ni.. dia soh pi terus emergency dia dah siap tulis refer report n time tu pkol 11.. ayah cakap kita balik dlu sbb Dr cakap afte operate might be warded 2 or 3 days.. balik siap2 barang.. tenang kan hati..
Pi emergency. Check. Discuss. Sign agreement. Amik darah.
Admitted into ward 28 bed 3. Siap-siap tuka baju ward. Tenangkan fikiran. Mase amik darah pn da sakit
Ada Dr dtg bed tnye sakit, how what when where why who.. ape lg

Dr datang nk comfirmkan aku dah puasa since pkol brape. Mase pi klinik aku dah puasa siap2.. xlalu nk makan lol..
Nurse suruh tukar baju lagi.. baju bedah plak kli ni... wah scary dowh.. sejuk tangan aku time tu.. antra pecaya nga x jek nk ne opereate mlm ni. Lepas tukar suh aku baring atas katil, dorg tolak aku masuh pre-operation room. Tnye aku mcm2 n masuk kan ubat antibiotic kowt. Aku takut sejuk xtau nk fikir ape, selawat n bnyk ingat Allah jek la.
Dorg cite pasal mcm mne bius satu badan n nk soh aku get ready n mind set kowt. Dia takut aku terkejut n xnk bangun jek. Hui pastu masuk operation room. Satu tempat y aku xbole nk bayangkan n xsangka akan lalui sume tu sendiri sblm ni just tgk cite tv n dgr org cite jek. Skung aku kat dewan bedah. Atas kepala aku Nampak lampu y banyak2 tu. Sejuk menusuk tulang rusuk, mengigil, takut hanya tuhan yang tahu, dr faiz kowt nama dr y bius aku tu suh aku tarik nafas n hembus kuat2 dalam alat bantuan penafsan tu.. pastu 2 3 kali hembus dah aku pn dah xde dlm operation room tu.... xtau ape y berlaku.. ape dorg buat dekat aku sume aku xsedar, xtau n xrase.. [tangan dah sakit sengal2 sengala2nya nya maka bersambung lah ye]

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